Last issue, we explored how external metrics hijack our play. But what happens when you strip away the clients, algorithms, and trackers, yet the pressure persists?
Somewhere between enjoying a passion and wanting to master it, play becomes performative.
🎯 This Week’s Theme — Personal Reflection
After closing the door on the public eye, we still bring the pressure to prove ourselves in our personal spaces. We don't need an audience to feel on stage.
Notice how quickly a quiet interest builds an internal audit. You head out for a mindless evening run, but spend the entire time checking your pace and comparing it with others. ⇒ You start something new, only to drop it the instant it looks novice.
Striving isn't the problem. The shift occurs when participation loses its value.
When we demand that every hobby prove our competence, discipline, or potential, we trade genuine engagement for self-evaluation.
🎯 The Concept
In the self-determination theory, this shift is known as ego-involvement (Ryan & Deci, 2020).
No one is forcing you to perform, yet an invisible expectation takes hold. Motivation becomes driven by guilt, self-criticism, and the quiet threat to your self-esteem if you underperform. The inner dialogue shifts from "I want to explore this" to "I should be further along by now."
When self-worth becomes tied to output, a ‘trip-up’ stops feeling like part of the learning process. It feels like evidence of inadequacy (Crocker & Wolfe, 2001). Anticipating evaluation narrows creative freedom and turns open play into a performance review before we’ve even begun (Amabile et al., 1990; Tonietto & Malkoc, 2016).
You haven't lost interest in your passion. You have simply revoked your entitlement to be a beginner.
🎯 How It Actually Shows Up…
The Blank Page Paralysis: Avoiding your notebook, canvas, or keyboard altogether because preserving the possibility that you are talented feels safer than making something clumsy.
The Skill Audit: Abandoning a new hobby after three weeks because you realize you'll never be world-class at it.
🎯 The Weekly Challenge: The Intentional Mess
This week, spend twenty minutes doing one thing deliberately poorly.
Write a clunky, cliché paragraph. Draw with awkward proportions. Play wrong notes on purpose.
The goal is to break the silent rule that you must earn the right to participate through talent, then notice how much lighter the practice feels.
🎯 Reader question & my take on it
I’m into photography. Where is the line between mastering a hobby and ruining the joy of it?
My Take: Taking a passion seriously isn't inherently damaging. Discipline can deepen your craft. The key is noticing what your standards are doing to your relationship with it.
A healthy challenge sharpens your curiosity when a shot falls flat. Unchecked pressure, however, turns every frame into a test of your status. You stop engaging with what's in front of you and start worrying about proving yourself.
Try saving one album for pure exploration: photos you never edit, post, or evaluate. It’s taken simply because something caught your eye. Unpolished work is always welcome.
✍🏻 The Quote
"I simply do not believe that you need a permission slip from the principal to live a creative life."
🎯 Closing
You don't have to abandon ambition or stop refining your craft.
But remember to protect at least one thing that doesn't need to become a brand, an achievement, or proof of a productive afternoon. Some practices are worth holding onto simply because they make you feel alive while doing them (even badly).
Know someone currently holding their passions to impossible standards? Consider passing this along to give them permission to just play.
Reply directly to this issue to share your thoughts for a future edition of The Undercurrent, by emailing us at [email protected] or dropping a WhatsApp message to +65 91870588.
The Undercurrent is part of Fenara — a space for the quiet, in-between parts of life.
References
Amabile, T. M., Goldfarb, P., & Brackfield, S. C. (1990). Social influences on creativity: Evaluation, coaction, and surveillance. Creativity Research Journal, 3(1), 6–21. https://doi.org/10.1080/10400419009534330
Crocker, J., & Wolfe, C. T. (2001). Contingencies of self-worth. Psychological Review, 108(3), 593–623. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-295X.108.3.593
Gilbert, E. (2015). Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. Riverhead Books.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2020). Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation from a self-determination theory perspective: Definitions, theory, practices, and future directions. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 61, 101860. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cedpsych.2020.101860
Tonietto, G. N., & Malkoc, S. A. (2016). The calendar mindset: Scheduling takes the fun out and puts the work in. Journal of Marketing Research, 53(6), 922–936. https://doi.org/10.1509/jmr.14.0591
